A few years ago, I signed up for Twitter to stay informed about my medical specialty. Shortly after installing the app, I received a message that someone was "following me" and immediately deleted it.
Our gap year has exposed us to a whole new world—including social media. I've never used it, even though I've had a Facebook account for a decade. A friend convinced me it would be worthwhile for sharing our adventures. I agreed and logged in.
The first order of business was to respond to an 8-year old message from a friend I'd lost touch with congratulating me on the birth of the twins; I expressed my thanks and that Ollie and Elsie were doing well in second grade;) Then I moved on to the friend requests. Better late than never, I guess. Thankfully, most were from my family and they had no other choice but to be my friends.
I've enjoyed parts of social media but mostly wonder where the time goes when I start scrolling. Despite my plans and efforts to portray our trip realistically, the great moments shine through, and the difficult moments of our trip just don't (more fun than punishment). This post is the reality check for all the Instagram and Facebook pictures.
I'm not complaining. We didn't expect every moment of this journey to be fun; that's why we call our life with kids FAMILY FUNISHMENT. We know that grit comes from the bad moments and unexpected mishaps. We remind the kids of this on a long hike when things are unraveling. (It doesn't work, but we keep saying it.)
What is hardest about traveling for a year with kids? I'll share the downsides of our decision but with the disclaimer that most of these are much more good than bad; I'm only writing this for the sake of being authentic. I wouldn't change our gap year decision for anything and we know that any of our down days are nothing compared to what most people have to deal with.
It's a small world, but not small enough
My family uses FindMyFriends. Little icons of my parents' and siblings' faces show me a visual of their busy lives. I love opening the app and seeing the map of the U.S., and now the world, with us scattered all over. I pretended to be offended a few years ago when my little brother told me to "get a life"; he only saw me at work and Costco (look at me now, Pete!;).
I sometimes feel sad when I check the app. I love seeing the world, but also feel so far from everyone. We are having the time of our lives but we are also lonely. I've accepted that these two feelings are contradictory and also both true.
When my Dad became very ill and I had to emergently travel home without Henri and the kids, I almost couldn't bring myself to get on the plane. Being an ocean away and leaving them in a foreign country induced incredible anxiety. I told myself repeatedly that they were safe, but the distance and travel time between me and loved ones scares me. Thank God for FaceTime, WhatsApp, Google Meet, Skype, and eSim cards. We use them all regularly to stay connected.
Homeschooling
Because of the pandemic, most parents have a taste for homeschooling. I had less experience than many because of my job and the shorter duration of e-learning at the twins' school. I've always had a healthy respect for teachers and their critical role in our kids' lives, but I've now realized it wasn't enough.
Most days are great. We started school immediately (no summer break) so that we can spend less time doing formal school work and more time world schooling. I have it easy as their teacher because the kids are in the same grade. Countless online resources allow us to find most of what we need and supplement when necessary. Our field trips are epic and drive home what we are learning.
Some days are ugly. The kids complain and resist in ways I know they didn't for their prior teachers. We try to keep a consistent schedule of 2.5-3 hrs of school work each morning (5-7 days per week depending on where we are) but we don't always stick to it. For example, it was so hot in Florence that we would homeschool in the afternoons so we could sightsee without melting. It was great for field trips, but bad for multiplication.
We depend heavily on online resources because we can't carry much more than our iPads, notebooks, and a few workbooks. Before this trip, our kids rarely used a tablet (long car rides or on a plane only). Now it's a daily tool and the requests for "free time" can be annoying. I miss the blissful days without these battles.
The kids miss their friends and the camaraderie of school. They miss their sports teams and playdates. Anytime they recall fond memories or stories, we feel badly about taking them away from it all. We'd hoped that they would find kids to play with as we traveled, but that has been more difficult than we thought. A spontaneous connection at a playground through a language barrier just doesn't compare.
Be careful what you wish for
Like many working moms, I felt guilty about missed moments with my kids. Above all else, I was looking forward to spending more time with the twins this year; it has exceeded my expectations.
But I also miss having time to myself. We are together 24/7 in small spaces without toys, babysitters, school, or other activities. Filling the hours when we're in remote locations takes creativity and effort; it also spawns creativity and innovation.
It's A LOT of time together and it's sometimes hard (and very very annoying), even though we truly enjoy each other (most of the time). Henri and I make it a priority to take care of the kids so that the other can have a moment of sanity. Even that doesn't always work out. Recently, Henri went running only to return soon after because he was chased by a pack of wild dogs! At least I tried.
There's no place like home
We are nomads. It's mostly fun but also leaves a void. We are never really "settled", even if we have a comfortable AirBnB. And we've stayed in many uncomfortable AirBnBs too. Rats, birds, bugs, and weird neighbors are just some of the inconveniences we've dealt with. Never do we feel more homesick than when ill. COVID and multiple bouts of food poisoning had us questioning everything.
The kids often dream about their bedroom when we get back to the States-what color it will be, what kind of bed they will have, how high the climbing wall will be (Ollie's dreaming really big). It has helped us realize that not having a space of their own is hard on them.
Living out of a backpack is freeing but does get old. So does wearing the same clothes and shoes all the time. We remind ourselves that one of our goals on this trip was discovering how little we need to be happy. I think we've accomplished it already, but I'm worried that our extreme minimalism will ultimately have the opposite effect. At the beginning of the trip, we planned to buy a small townhouse or condo when we return. Now, we admire larger houses and all the space they provide. The perfect balance exists somewhere and I'm sure we'll find it (and wish we'd kept SOME of our furniture).
We check in with the kids frequently and assure them that we can go back anytime they want. So far, they never hesitate in saying they want to keep traveling. It's so awesome. But I can't help but worry that we will regret it later in life when they are grown and still want to travel the world (see above about my feelings regarding oceans between me and my kids).
A few randoms
Here's a list of totally frivolous things that I miss from home.
Freezers and ice: The freezers are so tiny and ice is almost nonexistent. When we do get ice at a restaurant, we savor every cold sip.
Showers that keep water in: Showers here are so small, which is fine. I've gotten used to it. But there always seems to be some issue causing water to spray out of the shower and all over the bathroom, and it's doesn't just happen to the twins! I genuinely miss large and contained American bathrooms.
Readily available, clean, and free public restrooms: This is a big one, especially with kids.
Dryers: I've started to enjoy hanging all the laundry to dry, but I definitely miss the convienence of throwing something in the dryer when you need it quickly and of not having to plan laundry around the weather.
Ovens: It's shocking how many of our places don't have one. We eat a lot of pasta (not such a bad thing). All the bread and biscotti I was hoping to bake are a no go.
Restaurant variety: We love enjoying local food, but sometimes wish for some variety. We would totally embarrass ourselves with a bottomless basket of chips, salsa, and guacamole right now.
The largest downside to this year might just be that we don't know how we will ever adjust to "real life" again. We genuinely believe we are the luckiest people in the whole world. We try hard not to take it for granted and also look forward to being close to family and friends again soon.
Thanks for reading. Wishing you all some small pleasures that completely make your day.
Love,
Steph